Family Traditions

When you hear the word traditions, how do you feel?  Does it bring feelings of family unity, love, shared experiences? I hope it does, but sadly it may not. 

Traditions are inherited patterns of belief or behavior.  Usually we inherit them from our own parents and grandparents, but there may also be cultural traditions that communities embrace.  Because many of our traditions are inherited from our family, we may struggle to adapt or change traditions when we create our own families. 

We know from scripture that traditions can be righteous or unrighteous.  When we create our own families, it would be wise to weed through our traditions with our spouse to see if any are unrighteous.  This might sound like an obvious and easy thing to do.  I don’t know if it is always completely straight forward.  A tradition should build and edify a family and through that process unite them together and with God.  If it doesn’t do that, if it causes strife or contention, then it might be unrighteous for your family.  You may have grown up with a tradition that did unite your family, but if you try to continue it with your extended family, it might tear your newly created family apart.  In that case, it no longer serves its purpose as a righteous tradition.

The idea that traditions have to change or even be discarded from time to time will come up again and again throughout your life.  The most obvious time might be when you leave home or get married.  When your parents live in Seattle, WA and you are in Rexburg, ID it is not feasible for you to go home for Sunday dinner every week.  Even if you live close to your parents, maybe your spouse’s parents also live close.  Whose house to you go to for Sunday dinner now?  Or do you start the tradition of Sunday dinners at your own home?

As your children grow and mature, holding to a tradition of watching shows they loved when they were five might cause resentment at age sixteen.

When your children grow up and move out, you may struggle. Sometimes the traditions you have carefully crafted are discarded.  Despite this, it is important that we support righteous traditions that each family chooses to implement in their homes.

I was recently talking to a new friend in my class.  I loved her take on this idea.  As her kids have grown and moved out, she has adjusted traditions.  They have a few family ideas that form their traditions.  One of those is simply “We spend time together as a family.”  She isn’t rigid about certain holidays or events. Instead she focusses her efforts on the outcome: continued and increased family unity.  She works to be flexible and support her children’s individual family units through her actions.  It is beautiful!

There are also some traditions that can pass from generation to generation: regular church attendance, paying tithing, daily prayer, and regular recreational activities as a family.  I grew up with these and they can be used in my family now.  

I have noticed that as one generation passes on righteous traditions like church attendance or daily prayer, the next generation often finds it easier to incorporate these with little effort and then add to them.  The original traditions have become good habits so efforts can be put toward new goals: increased temple attendance, family history work, missionary service, etc.

I hope that the things I am learning about traditions will help me to be flexible going forward.  I want to regularly take stock of where my family and I are at and whether or not our traditions are uniting us. By doing this, I think traditions can be a powerful influence for good in my family.

Family Systems

This week we have been discussing different theories about the family.  These theories try to explain why certain behaviors and attitudes exist in families.

One theory is called Family Systems Theory.  The idea of this theory is that a family must be analyzed as a whole, not as separate parts.  The family works together like one big machine.  One piece not working could be caused by another not working.

Under this family systems theory, there are also sub groups.  A husband and wife would hopefully be a group, but there can also be mother/son, mother/daughter, father/son, father/daughter, or siblings.  In a family that functions well, the husband and wife group are also the executive or decision/authority group.  Sometimes when there is friction between parents or one is absent a child gets pulled into that decision/authority role.

We all fill a role in our family system.  That role is your part of the system. Sometimes it is decided through birth order, strengths, or talents.  Other times it is thrust upon us as a way of coping with family struggles.  Think about your family.  What is your role?  Maybe you see it differently than your siblings or parents do.  I often feel like the organizer or care taker.  I was the second oldest in a family of fifteen children. There was never a time in my life where there wasn’t a younger sibling around.  My parents were good parents that were responsible and took care of their duties, but with such a large family, many duties were shared.  I knew that I would be babysitting at least once a week while my parents had a night out.  I also had a tag along on family outings that I was responsible for-the buddy system at its finest!  I also had some household chores I was responsible for. Thus, my role was organizer/care taker so that I could manage the duties given to me.

As an adult I still fall into that role most of the time. Many of us do.  You may revert to mom taking care of your meals or laundry when you go home.  When my family gets together, I am still an organizer/care taker.  I see to the details and comfort of those around me.  Most of the time I enjoy this role and I feel like it gives me a purpose.  I promote family together time. Sometimes, I can see that taking on role like this isn’t healthy.  My siblings, who are also adults now, may not appreciate my take charge attitude.  Even if they do appreciate it, I may not be giving others the opportunity to grow into leadership roles the way then need to.

Some people have a good balance and understand where they belong in a family. They leave the family of their origin and create a new one.  In that new family they co-lead and have clear boundaries so that there is a sense of safety and contentment in the home. 

On the other hand, some struggle to create a new family.  They are constantly drawn back to the family of their origin.  The new family they try to create suffers.  Their new roles of husband or wife, father or mother take a back seat to their long-time role of son, daughter or sibling. 

This has made me stop and take stock.  First, trying to understand what my role was as a child.  Then working to understand if I have been flexible enough to let me role shift as my family changed, as I became part of a new family system.  I can see a lot of good, but also, maybe some things that could change.

Growing Population?

     I know that Jesus Christ’s gospel has been restored in our day.  As part of that restoration, we have access to a living prophet.  Our latter-day prophets have consistently taught doctrine surrounding the family.  This includes the necessity of having a family if you hope to reach exaltation.  As well as the teaching that families are a blessing to us in mortality.

     There are individuals, often well intentioned, sometimes not, who teach ideas that oppose the doctrine of the family.  Their ideas can gain popularity and change the direction of the world.

     Have you heard of Paul R. Ehrlich’s book The Population Bomb? The book was written in 1968 by a Stanford University Professor.  The book claimed an “increasingly dire” situation with the state of the environment and world wide food security.  Ehrlich laid the blame for these problems on over population of the world.  He said “We must rapidly bring the world population under control, reducing the growth rate to zero.”

     Whether or not you have heard of the book, you have undoubtedly seen the effects of this popular publication and others like it.  Worldwide Population by Year shows that accelerating population growth began to continuously fall immediately after the book’s publication until present day (2018).  Many would see this as a victory.  The calamities foretold by Ehrlich had been averted (even though he thought they couldn’t be averted).  No mass starvation and we have yet to run out of natural resources!

     As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have repeatedly been taught that we are to marry and have children. Under the direction of our Heavenly Father and in partnership with Him we are to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28 KJV).  This command has never been rescinded.

     While Ehrlich may have had good intentions, he couldn’t see the future.  He could theorize and predict, but not with certainty. Many studies and theories offer us valuable information to try and better our efforts at protecting families and the world we live in.  The spirit of discernment is so necessary to decide which information we will use and which should be discarded.  If the information we have directly opposes what we are being taught by living prophets, there is definitely cause for concern.  We don’t want to blindly put our trust in the arm of flesh. If we want to be led and protected, we have to go to the right sources and often exercise a bit of faith.

     Ehrlich has been called a prophet by some, but does not have true authority as a prophet.  Many continue to give his book and predictions a lot of weight.  Sadly, we have seen that not only were his predictions wrong, but the downward trend of birth rate he called for has had other unintentional consequences.

     With lower birth rate we decrease in human capital.  This is the idea that there will be less knowledge, skill, and information with a declining population.  This leads to either an increase in effort from the remaining population to make up the difference or a decrease in economic growth.

     We also see a decline in moral capital as birth rates decline.  As less people choose to have children or even marry, their focus turns to the individual.  The morals and values that shape a community and were taught in the family start to decline and disappear.  Self becomes more important than community.

     Another economic consequence is that we could possibly see a big crash in the real estate market with current trends.  The baby boomer generation is highly educated and paid well for that education.  They have aided construction booms.  As they get older, they will start to downsize their homes or leave them altogether for assisted care facilities.  The following generations don’t have the need or desire to buy their large homes.  There will be more inventory than demand.

   One other consequence is having an aged population.  This means there are more aged people that need to be taken care of than young population that can take care of them.  The burden on the young population becomes great. We would likely see an increase in taxes as fewer people are in the working force. We also could see a shortage of products and services available to take care of the aged. 
     
     Have you been affected by false teachings about the family in your life?  How do you weed out false teachings from the truth as you seek increased understanding?  I’d love to hear your response!

It has been awhile since I blogged.  I'm feeling a little rusty.  I am currently enrolled in Family Relations at BYU-Idaho.  As part of the class, we have been encouraged to start a blog to share what we are learning.  I am excited to do this.  I have a HUGE extended family.  Each member in that family has unique experiences and is at different stages in life.  Having a spot where I can share what I've learned and get their feedback in return should be a lot of fun. If you are a stranger to me and mine, I hope we can strike up some good conversations through this avenue.  I hope you'll free to comment, but do so in a respectful and kind manner.  We are all doing the best we can to figure things out.