Family Traditions

When you hear the word traditions, how do you feel?  Does it bring feelings of family unity, love, shared experiences? I hope it does, but sadly it may not. 

Traditions are inherited patterns of belief or behavior.  Usually we inherit them from our own parents and grandparents, but there may also be cultural traditions that communities embrace.  Because many of our traditions are inherited from our family, we may struggle to adapt or change traditions when we create our own families. 

We know from scripture that traditions can be righteous or unrighteous.  When we create our own families, it would be wise to weed through our traditions with our spouse to see if any are unrighteous.  This might sound like an obvious and easy thing to do.  I don’t know if it is always completely straight forward.  A tradition should build and edify a family and through that process unite them together and with God.  If it doesn’t do that, if it causes strife or contention, then it might be unrighteous for your family.  You may have grown up with a tradition that did unite your family, but if you try to continue it with your extended family, it might tear your newly created family apart.  In that case, it no longer serves its purpose as a righteous tradition.

The idea that traditions have to change or even be discarded from time to time will come up again and again throughout your life.  The most obvious time might be when you leave home or get married.  When your parents live in Seattle, WA and you are in Rexburg, ID it is not feasible for you to go home for Sunday dinner every week.  Even if you live close to your parents, maybe your spouse’s parents also live close.  Whose house to you go to for Sunday dinner now?  Or do you start the tradition of Sunday dinners at your own home?

As your children grow and mature, holding to a tradition of watching shows they loved when they were five might cause resentment at age sixteen.

When your children grow up and move out, you may struggle. Sometimes the traditions you have carefully crafted are discarded.  Despite this, it is important that we support righteous traditions that each family chooses to implement in their homes.

I was recently talking to a new friend in my class.  I loved her take on this idea.  As her kids have grown and moved out, she has adjusted traditions.  They have a few family ideas that form their traditions.  One of those is simply “We spend time together as a family.”  She isn’t rigid about certain holidays or events. Instead she focusses her efforts on the outcome: continued and increased family unity.  She works to be flexible and support her children’s individual family units through her actions.  It is beautiful!

There are also some traditions that can pass from generation to generation: regular church attendance, paying tithing, daily prayer, and regular recreational activities as a family.  I grew up with these and they can be used in my family now.  

I have noticed that as one generation passes on righteous traditions like church attendance or daily prayer, the next generation often finds it easier to incorporate these with little effort and then add to them.  The original traditions have become good habits so efforts can be put toward new goals: increased temple attendance, family history work, missionary service, etc.

I hope that the things I am learning about traditions will help me to be flexible going forward.  I want to regularly take stock of where my family and I are at and whether or not our traditions are uniting us. By doing this, I think traditions can be a powerful influence for good in my family.