This week in class we covered a pretty sensitive topic. We discussed the eternal nature of gender. We read several studies and articles that showed gender differences that are apparent from birth. We also talked about how this related to the LGBTQ community and families.
This can be an explosive topic. Those that have same sex attraction (SSA) or gender dysphoria (GD-identifying as the opposite gender) have often felt attacked. Conversely, those that feel same sex attraction or gender dysphoria can be treated or “cured” are often labeled as homophobic or bigots.
I have many people I love that have been in the middle of these struggles. I have watched them try to navigate these waters and I truly ache for them. I hope that the things I share today don’t cause additional injury.
Often in the media these
days we hear that people with SSA or GD are born that way. We may have been told there is a gene that
causes this. If we go back to the
studies that supposedly claimed this, we can see that those were not the
conclusions of the studies at all. The
media jumped on one little portion of the studies, often out of context, and
ran with it. Many of those that organized
the studies corrected the erroneous assumptions, but they weren’t loud enough
to undo the media craze. In a study
called “Homosexuality: Innate and Immutable? What Science Can and Cannot Say,” Lisa
Diamond, noted: "It may well be that for
now, the safest way to advocate for lesbian/gay/bisexual rights is to keep propagating
a deterministic model: sexual minorities are born that way and can never be otherwise.
If this is an easier route to acceptance (which may in fact be the case), is it
really so bad that it is inaccurate?”
Whether or not I agree
with the choices those with SSA and GD make, I can definitely get behind loving
them. Many would see accepting all of
their lifestyle actions as loving. I see
that as tolerant, but not necessarily loving.
I believe that the loving thing to do is to help people be as happy and
healthy as possible.
Why do I care to share
information that might suggest that you are not born with SSA or GD? Studies
show that acting on SSA or GD often cause more depression and anxiety in
individuals. Those that decide to follow
through on surgical sex-reassignment had a 20x increased likelihood of suicide.
Individuals that engage in homosexual behavior have a highly increased rate of
STD’s (including HIV for men particularly).
Of course, some of my concern also comes from my belief that engaging in
homosexual behaviors or going to the extreme of sex-reassignment may distance
you from the path that leads back to eternal life with our loving Heavenly
Father. I share these things because love is showing a concern for the welfare
of others.
I don’t pretend that
these few paragraphs explain everything surrounding the issue. They are my little soundbite from class
discussion this week. What I’ve shared
outlines some of the dangers associated with engaging in homosexual and GD
behaviors.
Agency is huge in all of
this. There are those that don’t want
change even when they understand the risks of their behavior. We see this in different aspects of people’s
lives. They may choose to indulge in
drinking alcohol, gambling, toxic relationships, and so on. The same is true for this subject. Some don’t
want change and I don’t think it should be a forced issue. I also don’t think we should love them any
less than those that engage in other behaviors. I understand that choice has consequence and
that both sides of this issue have hefty consequences individuals have to deal
with. Only they can decide which burden
they will shoulder.
I do believe that they
should have help if they want to avoid engaging in these behaviors or leave
them behind. That can only happen if individuals that are struggling know that
there are resources out there. The propaganda
surrounding this may make it hard to find the resources they need, but there is
help for those looking for it.
I don’t believe I know
everything about this issue, most of us have only scratched the surface. I hope that sharing these things I have
learned offer hope not condemnation and that you understand I share them to
offer hope, love, and support for those that are experiencing unwanted SSA
or GD.
If you’d like to take a
look at the readings from class, check out the following:
Understanding
Same-Sex Attraction: Where to Turn and How to Help https://www.amazon.com/Where-Turn-How-Help-Understanding/dp/B00KCVKNW2/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Understanding+Same-Sex+Attraction%3A+Where+to+Turn+and+How+to+Help&qid=1581104596&sr=8-2
(part 1 of 2)Well this is a topic that hits close to home. It all seemed so easy. If you were acting on your SSA you were sinning. I didn’t even know what gender dysphoria was. I only knew that those people that “chose” to change their gender were strange, rebellious, from dysfunctional families or had experienced some trauma in their lives that really messed them up. I thought Satan was at the center of all these issues…until my 19 year old “came out.” Suddenly all I had been taught or thought came into question. There was no trauma. There was a happy homelife centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ. There were loving relationships. This kid loved the gospel, got the gospel, and lived the gospel (and still does). I don’t have space or time here to tell the story, but I will attach a link to a recent podcast we were invited to do with Richard Ostler. I invite you to listen and learn from my transgender son, Landon. The purpose of this podcast (or my response here) is not to try to convince you that Landon was born this way, or to give any opinion on what causes gender dysphoria. In fact, I don’t have those answers. You better believe I have prayed for those answers. I wanted to know how and why, but I have come up empty handed. Science doesn’t have definitive answers and the brethren have no answers. Why did I think I would be given these answers? I started getting answers when I started asking better questions. I started asking what I could and should be doing to help Landon. The answer I got was simple. LOVE LANDON.
ReplyDelete(Part 2 of 2)I didn’t need to know the answers. It didn’t matter if he was born that way, if this developed later, if it is a mental illness, if it was something hardwired in the brain. It just didn’t matter. What mattered is that I provided a safe, loving place for Landon to figure these things out. What mattered is that Landon had a place where he could feel God’s love. That place was going to be in our home. A funny thing happened when I listened to that prompting and started trusting God. I mean REALLY trusting. My fears started dissipating and peace came flooding in. Some might criticize our support for Landon, but I will never deny our answers from the Lord. I will not deny the peace that only the Savior can bring. I am not asking anyone to “agree” with Landon’s “transgender lifestyle.” Is it even our place to agree or disagree with how others live their lives? (maybe this is a whole different discussion). I’ve also pondered what is meant by “transgender lifestyle,” because Landon’s lifestyle looks an awful lot like mine and yours. He attends church, studies the scriptures. He is kind to others. He goes to school and works two jobs. He’s loved by his employers and teachers and church leaders. He leads no other “lifestyle,” so I get confused by this. Back to the podcast. I hope you will take time to listen. The purpose is to share a different perspective. I’d like to share a few things that we did not touch on in the podcast that I feel you might find important. Landon has prayed about his spirit. He has not received confirmation that his spirit is anything other than a female. With that said, his brain very much tells him that he is a male. He understands and accepts that his spirit will be female in the eternities. That doesn’t take his dysphoria away. He must find a way to live this life, but I do feel that this understanding is what allows him to be accepted in church, hold a temple recommend, and hopefully be sealed to his fiancé in the near future. Is this complicated? Yes. No doubt about it. If I could take gender dysphoria away from Landon I would do that in a heartbeat, but I would never take this experience away from myself. I have learned to love better and in a more Christ-like way. Through this journey I am becoming a better disciple of Jesus Christ. I trust God in a way I never have before. Landon is also progressing towards both his temporal and spiritual goals. Satan does not do this. He does not bring families together and he does not bring people closer to Christ. He is not in our story!
ReplyDeleteI’d like to leave you with this quote from Elder Uchtdorf. “Brothers and sisters, as good as our previous experience may be, if we stop asking questions, stop thinking, stop pondering, we can thwart the revelations of the Spirit. Remember, it was the questions young Joseph asked that opened the door for the restoration of all things. We can block the growth and knowledge our Heavenly Father intends for us. How often has the Holy Spirit tried to tell us something we needed to know but couldn’t get past the massive iron gate of what we thought we already knew?”
Listen Learn and Love Podcast
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-230-james-monica-phillips-parents-landon-transgender/id1347971725?i=1000464389696
ok...one last comment. I also read the attached articles on understanding SSA (I did not read the book) and I think it is pretty safe to say that those articles really do not help to understand those topics. Also, I think it best to focus on learning how to love and minister to this group so that they can feel included and accepted. I have found that many with SSA or GD long to worship with us, but do not feel welcomed. I will attach a few helpful, gospel centered resources you might look to for understanding. I have a whole resource guide that we use in our stake but I cant figure out how to attach a copy here. Here are a few bits from that guide
ReplyDeletehttps://mormonandgay.churchofjesuschrist.org/
Helping LDS Leaders Understand LGB Issues
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mYu67M7HMkc0zbFVR8z4ir451tHjxwtG/view
Hearing personal stories really helped me understand. Here are stories from those striving to live the gospel.
https://www.northstarlds.org/voices-of-hope
https://www.northstarlds.org/journeys-of-faith
https://mormonandgay.churchofjesuschrist.org/stories?lang=eng
And this is my favorite Christian explanation of gender dysphoria and how we can better understand how to minister.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-I2eMpHfo8&t=281s
I know the average person doesn't have time to read all this stuff, but it's a great thing to have on hand when you have a friend who's child/spouse comes out, and you need to guide them in the right direction. When this happens. Please please don't direct them try to tell them what is right or wrong. Just love.
Monica, thank you for your responses. I love having perspective shared from a family that I know is focused on the Gospel and especially on family!
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