Parenting is hard! With an abundance of information available at the click of a button, you would think it would be easier than ever before.  Sadly, that’s not the case.  In an online article called The collapse of parenting, Katie Hurley, a psychotherapist in Los Angeles an author said, “We’ve been conditioned to question ourselves-to constantly look for information to make sure we’re doing it right.  Because of that, parents are in a state of learned helplessness.”  Have you ever felt that way?  I know I have.  Even in the reading for my class this week, there were articles that talked about how parents need to ‘grow up’.  It outlined that parents need to be authoritative and tell their kids what they need to do rather than asking so much.  To be respectful, but be the decider.  As well as don’t be overly worried about pleasing your kids.    Overall, these ideas mostly make sense, but does anyone else struggle to walk the fine line they seem to require?  I’ve been trying my whole life to figure out that balance, and it isn’t easy!

One thing I’ve learned this week about being the decider while being respectful, is that I need to watch my tone of voice and word choice.  Expectations need to be firm, but they can always be kind.  Also, choices can be given some of the time, but other times our children don’t have the maturity to make good decisions.  Those are the times they need to be told what to do.

Another thing I’ve been learning lately that was reinforced this week is that conflict is unavoidable, but it doesn’t necessarily reflect a troubled relationship.  Another comment from the article I read said, “parents must have a higher tolerance for things not going well.”  For me, that is kind of profound.  When something I say sets one of my children off into a moody fit, I have a tendency to question myself.  I think that if they are feeling that way, I must have been unkind.  As I’ve tried to look back on my interactions with my children, I have found that many things that upset my children are kind but firm expectations.  My children are learning how to throw off the natural man and become more like God.  That doesn’t come easy for anyone.  The natural man often goes down kicking and screaming!  The conflict is between that goal of becoming more like God and our natural tendency to do what is easy or comfortable.  I have to work to not take it personally.

In the article, Cathy Gulli said, “parenting is awfully frustrating and often a lonely place.”  That is why we have to fortify ourselves against the temptation to “please our kids as a way of satisfying our own need for affection.”  I think this can be taken the wrong way.  I don’t think she is saying we can’t expect affection in those relationships at all, but I do think she is commenting on the fact that as we are raising our children, we have to be a parent first and a friend second.  She also said to, “establish a network of surrogate caregivers who will not undermine your authority, but will back you up when you need help.”  This can be teachers, relative, or neighbors.  I think this is key to helping us stand strong in our duties as parents.  I love that I have relatives, church associates, neighbors, and teachers that want my kids to succeed.  Their support buoys me up when it is difficult to stand strong as a parent.

I believe that as I put in the time to parent now, to the best of my abilities, my relationships with my children can shift into friendship with great adults one day.