When you hear the word stress, what do you think?  Is it a bad word, the cause of all your tension headaches and high blood pressure?  Many of us feel that way about stress, but stress isn’t always a negative thing.  For example, when we stress our muscles through an exercise routine, we cause them to improve.  The way our body reacts to danger is also a stress response.  Our body automatically goes into a flight, fight, or freeze mode when we are presented with danger.  That is usually a good thing.  Interestingly, even if we perceive a danger our body reacts the same.  This is important to understand if we want to be compassionate to others. 

Maybe you have a couple of friends that have just found out they are expecting recently.  This event is likely to cause stress.  Despite that, one couple may be overjoyed, while the other may be struggling a bit more.  When we only look at the even itself, it’s hard to understand why they react so differently.  If the first couple has been expecting and planning for this child, then this is seen as a challenge and an opportunity. Kind of like exercising with the purpose of muscle growth.  If the second couple has had many miscarriages or has recently lost a job, another child at this time may cause distress. 

A couple of things can add to the stress the second couple is feeling.  First, are the resources they have available to deal with the stressful event.  If the husband just lost his job, then it is likely that they just lost their insurance as well.  A pregnancy, especially a high risk one, without health insurance is scary.  Other resources that they may or may not have are: extended family that live nearby to help, qualified specialists to deal with the health risks they are facing, and of course money. 

Another thing that adds to the stress is the couple’s perception.  With the past experience of miscarriages, they may feel that this one is doomed as well.  If you face a stressor from the onset with a perception like that, it is going to be difficult to deal with.

When you understand the behind-the-scenes story of your friends a little better or even just recognize that there is a behind-the-scenes story, you are likely to react with compassion towards someone who is struggling.  You can become one of their resources to help them through the stressful events.

Even when an event in someone’s life causes a lot of distress, it can have a positive outcome.  Just like the example of the muscle growth, we can grow emotionally, spiritually, and physically through our struggles. 

A family, just like the couple we were talking about earlier, can still survive a pileup of stressors, and even come out stronger, if they have some resources prepared.  Some of those resources might be: marketable skills that will help land a new job quickly, and emergency fund, or participation in community and faith organizations that may lend emotional and even financial support.

Those resources may help with the other key to whether or not a stress becomes unbearable, our perception.   Having abundant resources may change how you perceive your stressor.  They help you to reframe the stressor in a more positive light.  Instead of thoughts like, “how will we ever make it through this?”  You are able to say, “our emergency fund will get us by for x number of months,” or “God will not leave us to carry this on our own, we can lean on Him”.  Those statements are powerful in helping someone cope with stress.  When you are able to navigate the stressors in your life and overcome, your self-confidence and abilities improve. 

I hope that you can see that sometimes events that may seem minor to you can be overwhelming for others.  In those instances, we need to be compassionate and “lift up the hands which hang down”.  I also hope that you can see why it is important to gain all the good resources you can to help you manage the stressors that will come up in your life.  A good relationship with God, good relationships with family and community, marketable skills, and monetary safety nets are just a few.  Then, despite the discomfort and even pain of the stressors we face, we can come out on the other side stronger.